Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
