her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
