You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
