haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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