You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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