Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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