Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
