Your dad touched me again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
