so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
