it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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