My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
