Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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