I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
