It's like God shit irony all over that family
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
