You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
