Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
