No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
