I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
