I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
