apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Acid is not a monday night drug
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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