How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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