At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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