i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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