You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Blood and glitter go together right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
