WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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