Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
