the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
