You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
