seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
