You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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