so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
