He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
