so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
