dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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