I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
