I cockslap morals
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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