There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
