Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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