drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
