I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
