I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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