I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
