his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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