I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
