I wish I could teleport
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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