If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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