I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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