who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
