Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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