hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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