I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
