I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
