very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
soo... how was my night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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