he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
