How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
