More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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