sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
