No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
