***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
