I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
