i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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