i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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